A follow-up to last night's entry: vices and virtues.

Thinking of Vox

I was going to reply to each comment from my last entry individually, but I thought it would be easier to respond through another entry instead. Everyone who responded had such heartfelt comments to leave, and hearing personal experiences that involved religion, other illnesses and other thoughts about what I had to say... really made me think. I thought I would share a little bit more about what I left out. I didn't expect a lot of people to read the last entry because it was so lengthy, and I almost started tearing up when I saw that people responded the way they did. Thank you, all of you. ^__^

The disease. First of all, I'll explain the "illness" that I have. I felt a little selfish by leaving something, like what it actually is, out of the entry. I have a disease that only women can have called Endometriosis. It's not a horrible life-threatening disease, but it affects me in ways that I have no control over, and to know that I can't command everything throughout my body is scary. As people already know, women have monthly periods, and with these periods, experiences of cramping, bleeding and nausea sometimes take place-- not with every woman, but with some.

Ever since I was thirteen (when I first received my, uh, monthly gift), I've had horrible periods. In fact, I would get sick almost every month from throwing up and heavy amounts of bleeding to the point of extreme weakness, mentally and physically. I just figured that some women had it worse than others. None of my other friends seemed to experience such bouts of pain. Well, finally, at the age of 21 (about five months ago), I realized that what I was experiencing wasn't normal. As some of you know, I went on a trip to California. It was there, miles and miles away from home, that I realized that getting sick monthly was not something I could live with the rest of my life. (On my trip to L.A. to see Simone Legno, the artist, I spent a good amount of the time in the bathroom and on the floor of an underground parking lot on my back.) As soon as I got home, I made an appointment to see my doctor. My friend in California suggested that I start taking birth control, because that is said to ease the pain and flow a bit. My doctor agreed with what I suggested and put me on "The Pill." I'm on Seasonale, which should only give me a small period once every three months. The idea was heaven, but I still had to get over the dreaded hump of getting sick after taking them.

Friday

Everything went smoothly for about two months-- that is, until the hump arrived. Right when final exams hit in December, I started to experience huge amounts of pain and heavy amounts of bleeding for about three to four weeks. The physical pain wasn't the worst part of the sickness though; the mental struggle was the most difficult experience. With the pressure of three papers and an exam in the back of my mind, and the pain I had to deal with every day, I started to break down. Because of the newfound month-long period I was experiencing, I had decided to do more research on Endometriosis. I discovered that 30-40% of women that have the disease are infertile. My biggest fear in life is not to be able to have babies. Having three girls and a husband is my dream, and to know that there's a chance that I won't be able to have that dream really scares me.

The worst part was the response my family gave. No one, except maybe Kathleen, actually believed that I had the disease. In order to truly diagnose it, I would have had to undergo surgery so they could see if the tissue around my uterus had somehow multiplied (er, or something like that). Mom even told me a couple of times that I probably had "a very mild case of it, if even that." Hearing my own mom, a nurse, tell me that she didn't believe I was really sick was probably the worst thing someone could do to me at that point. I was crushed. Since I was the one that was actually experiencing the pain, I knew that what I had was Endometriosis. It wasn't a guess; it was a fact.

Thank goodness, Shawn was there for me, yet again. He seems to the prince I need him to be whenever I call him. So, Lilia, you were so right in staying that I'm lucky to have Shawn. I really, really am, especially since the state of my body (for when I'm ready) will somehow affect Shawn in the longrun, when having children is concerned.

The religion. Thank you to everyone that responded so truthfully about what religious beliefs you have. Knowing that you respect my decision, especially if you're Catholic yourself, really makes me happy. So many of you responded with personal experiences involving religious change and experience, and I've been taking what you said into consideration. I especially loved hearing about madtwinsis' combination of religions-- both Christianity and the teachings of the Celtic Druids. (I've always been fascinated with more pagan-type rituals and beliefs. I even considered Wicca as a religion at one point, but then decided that the religion wasn't for me. I did, however, take some of its beliefs with me.) I have nothing against individual Christian people, but instead, I have a large amount of bitterness towards the Church. To break it down better: organized religion is not for me. I do not respect what the Church condones, nor do I ever intend to spend my life practicing a belief system that I've felt threatened with in the past. I respect the individual beliefs of Christians though, which is one of my own Personal Commandments, to respect those around me and cause no harm, emotional or physical, to others.

To Jen, I completely understand that limbo you're in right now, and I think you're on your way to finding a belief system that suits you just right. You are extremely lucky to have the chance to explore any religion you want. My parents think that I'm wrong and that I'll eventually "come around." Unfortunately, I've come to realize that parents can be children sometimes, and their naive qualities blind them from really seeing what I truly believe is right. It's sad, but I still respect them (most of the time) for what they believe, as long as they don't enforce Catholicism on me too much.

Thankies, Bernadette!

The copying.

Thank you to Mikey and Jay, who were so kind when calming me down about my issue with people copying me. I usually try to laugh it off, but sometimes I let the bitter side of myself get the best of me. Sometimes I need a kick in the butt with the whole creative part of me, even when that means dealing with other people who, yes, imitate me. (See? I said "imitate" nicely. Improvement is showing!) I never thought of myself as a leader before; I've always been the follower. I guess I'm learning more about myself through all of you wonderful Voxers than through myself. That's a nice thought.

Speaking of nice Voxers, I really want to mention a special "thank you" to Bernadette for the awesome Blythe postcards she sent me. She was thoughtful enough to message me and tell me about the cards she picked up the other day at a used bookstore. Just knowing that she thought of me made me so happy, tee hee. Then, after opening the package, I hopped on Vox and read all of your comments. I do have to say... Everyone made my day.

If you read through this one, too, thank you. You have the patience of an angel. ^__^

Comments

[The Crafty Linguist]

Oh bless your heart!  You're so brave for sharing this!  I know I've only just 'met' you (well, your blog anyway!!!), but I just wanted to say this:  don't panic, and never lose hope!  I'm not saying this just because.  Is say it because: 1) my mum has it; 2) there have been on/off suspicions that I might have it too.  My mum had a very, VERY bad case of it.  In fact, it was thought she'd never have children.  But... after much trying, ta-daaa, there was moi! I like to think I was worth the wait! hehe  As for me, my gyno said that even if I turned out to have Endometriosis, medicine nowadays is so advanced (and will be even more so by the time I decide to have children) that the whole infertility bit is VEEEEEERY unlikely, so hurrah!  Sorry about the long comment, but I just wanted to share this with you! : )  Remember: never give up hope!!! : ) 

[Virtuous Woman]

My girl friend has Endometriosis and I saw what she went through.  I hope that everything works out for you.  I know that I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world.  So I hope you can get that pleasure one day oh and that husband.

[heather]

You've been in my thoughts since your last entry.. I'm sorry to hear about your illness. For all the trouble and heartache it must cause you, you never mentioned being ill. I'm glad to hear it's not life threatening, but still, I feel for you having to cope with it.

xoxo

 

[Lauren]

That gives me so much hope! Thank you so much for telling me that. I wish my doctor would have told me that. I have a great doctor, but I think I get a little frazzled when I see her sometimes, so I forget to ask important questions like new medicines that could be coming out in the future... *hugs* Thankies. ^__^

I talked with a few online friends about Endometriosis, and everyone is always so positive when they talk about it. It's really great hearing such uplifting words.

[Lauren]

I hope I get to have kids, too. It's nice hearing from a parent... and especially from someone who knows other who have Endometriosis. ^^

[Lauren]

Thank you, Heather. I try not to be the downer online, because all my early journals in the past years have expressed that teenage angst that I kind of outgrew. I try to be more positive so I can affect others more positively. Sometimes it's good to just let loose and say what's on your mind though. This entry really helped, and knowing that you're so nice and that I've been in your thoughts... is just really sweet. *hugs* ^_^

[The Crafty Linguist]

I forgot to say... (bloody hell, I AM in a chatty mood tonight!!)  You might want to check this site out: www.endometriosis.org  and also bare in mind:
"WILL I BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?
It is estimated that 30-40% of women with
endometriosis may have difficulties in becoming pregnant
(but this means that 60-70% will have no problems!).
If fertility is a great wish, then please discuss
your symptoms with your physician so that together
you can develop the best treatment plan for you."  Operative word: "difficulties", NOT "impossibility.  "Difficulties should just get a good kicking up their a**.  Sorry, I promise I'll just shut up now! hehe

[Kristinitis]

Lauren - I did read your previous entry before this, but I did not have a chance to respond until now. As we both know and as I have told you before, I also have Endometriosis. I totally see eye-to-eye with you on everything you have said. I hope that I can act as a support system for you if you ever need to talk about it with somebody, because the best person to talk with about it is somebody who knows exactly what the pain is like that you endure, and that would be me. I have had this since I was 13 years old (at least suffered the symptoms of it since I first got my period), I have unfortunately inherited it from my mother. My mom was not able to have kids until she had a few surgeries, but even after that she was very troubled when trying to have children. That is not to scare you, but more so to give you faith that even when a woman is infertile, there are certain ways of still conceiving children. Considering my mom had this done 20 or 21 years ago when she was trying to have me, I'm sure technology has greatly expanded since! I hope that I can try and help you restore your confidence that things will work out ok for you in the end, and that this will be the toughest part of what you will be going through until the birth control you are on decides to fully embrace in your system. The fact that your family is not that concerned with it sounds kind of foreign to me, but maybe (with the exception of your mom) they don't know enough about it to be concerned, or else maybe they just don't want to scare you by being too upset about it. If I have any sort of faith whatsoever, its faith that you will be able to bear children when the time and finances are right for you with the help of modern technology if that's necessary for your case. It's a really tough thing that we are dealing with, and I'm willing to help you any way that I can or give you any advice you need along the way. You are a very naturally smart woman though, and as much as this disease that we carry is very difficult to handle at times, you are one of the strongest people I know so I have faith you will handle it a lot better once the birth control kicks in and once the shock of all of this subsides.   

[little wonders]

[this is good] Lauren again thanks for sharing such deep and intimate feelings, and facts of your life with us.

I truly hope your doctor can do something for you, as a month long period of extreme pain and cramps and bleeding doesn't seem like an improvement to me. I also hope that you can have a whole bunch of little girls with Shawn.

I while I currently would describe myself as an Agnostic/Buddhist will let you know I am/was also drawn to the pagan beliefs, except in my case since I am totally enamoured with the Japanese culture I am drawn to the Shinto religion. Since I have left the Catholic Church, I have read alot and thought alot, and I agree it is the institution of the Church that I am against, not the beliefs or people who believe them. I think everyone would be better if we could find our on truths about what to believe in.

I hope you begin to feel better soon.

Jeff

[Tracy]

I agree with almost everyone else that you are very brave for sharing
your illness with us.  I know you will get through it though
becasue you are very strong and you always keep a postitive
attitude!!!  I know many women with the same illness and it can be
treated!!!!!!  It may not be fixed all the way but as you
explained things like birth control can make things better.  Mt
friend Paige which I talk about frequently happens to have the same
thing and she takes birth control for it too!!  Good for you
Lauren for always having courage to get through things whether it be an
exam or something like this!  You will always have us on Vox to
support you!!!! :-)

[st_catherine]

I had the same experience of my family pretty much denying, and then downplaying, a health problem I have. It still bothers me to this day, but when I try to look at it from their perspective, I think maybe my parents were thinking that by denying it, they could wish it away, and make things better for all of us. Still, it hurt, and hurts a lot. I understand what you're going through with your family and I hope that they become more supportive... and I hope your treatment starts making you feel better, too.  

[Cyn]

I hope that everything works out.  I actually feel about the same way you do on religion, I get tired of people telling me what I'm supposed to believe and I feel myself drifting farther and farther away from organized religion in general.

On the period front, I truly hope that the medicine works.  I usually am weak the first day of mine for the same reasons, but luckily it's never been worse than that, and there's usually not much cramping.  I can only try to imagine the pain you went through. 

The more I read your posts, it's so good to see someone who is so creative, open, and strong.  I feel lucky to be included as one of your online friends.  Thank you.

[AmyRose]

[this is good] You sound like you have an awesome head on your shoulders!! Just continue being the amazing person you are and stick with your guns. :)

I'm truly sorry to hear about your disease and the possibility to not have children... :/ That's not an issue to be taken lightly and I'm really praying for the best!!!

Once again, keep being strong!! I also am honored to have you as a Vox friend and neighbor! :)

[Paul]

Hmm...oddly enough, not a lot of guys commenting on this post. Well, hang in there, Lauren. Sorry to hear about your situation. Keep positive. Things have a way of working out.

[Julie]

My mother, too, is a nurse.  And my mother, too, never believed me when I said I was sick: I have bipolar disorder.

I'm also a lapsed Catholic and an Agnostic Spiritualist (for lack of a better term).  No wonder we get along so well.

[***]

[this is good] Aw, Lauren, you're so brave for sharing this you know.  I personally have always found that "women's troubles" even in the modern world we live in, and even by women themselves, seem to be unfairly played down.  People just don't want to face up to these issues, from my experience.  I am glad that you at least have Shawn there for you.


I don't know if it's redundant at this point, considering the great replies you've had, but I thought it worth mentioning that my niece (only a couple of years younger than me, she's your age) suffered terribly with Endometriosis, to the point where she'd basically have to sit in the bath for hours because she was bleeding that much, and suffered the symptoms you do.  She conceived a couple of years ago (very young I know!) and whilst she was considered a high-risk pregnancy, she now has a beautiful healthy little girl.  Her Endometriosis is greatly improved since the pregnancy; often when women *can* get pregnant, they're symptoms improve dramatically afterwards like hers did.  So there is hope that if you can conceive, your future perhaps won't always be like this.

[leandro]

hi! i am from brazil. i want make  friends in usa. are you from american wuman?-1

[Lauren]

Crafty Linguist- Thankies for providing the link. ^^ That's actually the first site I went to when I was doing research on Endometriosis, and it was extremely helpful. It provides all the right questions and very clear answers. I'll have to try to keep looking at the positive, rather than any of the negatives. And you can comment whenever you want! I always forget to say something in my comments, and I often have to go back to a person's Vox to finish my thoughts, tee hee.

Kristin- You're so sweet for helping again, hon. Talking with you a few weeks ago about what we have in common really helped. I completely agree-- technology has most likely advanced a ton since your mom tried to have you. It's a thought I've been keeping with me. Someone else even suggested that by the time I am ready to have kids, I'll probably have no problem doing so. Thank you for your sweet words... I always, always appreciate them. If I have any questions about Endometriosis, or I feel like I need to talk with someone, I'll give you a call for sure. I have my girl moments of weakness, haha. ^^

Jeff- Thank you for the hopeful thoughts and words. I really think I'll be able to have kids. I figure that if I keep a positive attitude, I'll hopefully be rewarded with such a gift. It's also very comforting in knowing that I'm not the only one who has gone through the transformation from a "Catholic" (if I ever really was one) to a more personalized type of religion with somewhat pagan belief system incorporated into it. I think the best thing we can do, like you mentioned, is to do readings and research in order to form thoughts revolving around religion. You have such an interesting mix of religions. I've always been interested in Buddhism, but I've never persued it. I'd like to do more research myself and see what I can find...

Noir- Thank you, sweets. Words of encouragement really help a lot, more than a lot of people realize. Having support from you and so many people at Vox is probably one of the best support systems I can imagine. =D

st_catherine- It really did hurt hearing that my mom didn't really believe that I had the problem. I'm so sorry that you had to go through the same thing. It seems unfair, considering we have to go through one type of pain, but then the denial from the people that should be our main support system turns into a failing... ache. A lot of emotions passed through me: anger, sadness and more anger, but I put that aside. I'm glad that we've both seem to have come into our own though... *hugs*

Cyn- Organized religion is such a hard topic to discuss sometimes. It's very difficult for people to accept that there's a different between actual beliefs and a group of people who practice similar beliefs. A lot of people just combine the two into one big clump, and I think that really takes away what religion is supposed to be about. To me, the Church is a distraction from what Christians should really be focusing on. If the Church wasn't so focused on obtaining money and maintaining control of its people, then maybe I wouldn't feel so bitter about it. But, like a lot of organizations, it desires control, and that's just not something I want to put myself and my belief system into. I like being open with everyone here at Vox. To me, it's a comfort to know that I can turn to everyone, most of whom I've never met, and gain self-confidence towards my daily life and actions. You guys rock, so thank you for your sweet comment. ^_^

AmyRose- Oh, thank you! I've come to realize that I'm really older than just 22, because most of the people I know don't have that strong... sense of self yet. I think some of them eventually will, but for now, I've come to just depend on myself (and you Voxers) for support, because a lot of people I know personally are still floating. And how you feel about me being a Vox neighbor is exactly how I feel about you and a lot of my neighbors. You guys are really awesome, and you've pulled me through one of the last bits of frustration. So thank you!

Paul- I don't mind. I know that talking about girl problems like this probably doesn't interest the male population here at Vox too much. Plus, I know that it can be an uncomfortable issue. I was actually surprised that this many people responded because of the length of the entry, and because of the subject matter. Thank you for your kind words though. I appreciate it. <3

Julie- I can't seem to find a better term to describe what I am in relgious terms, so I, too, stick with Agnostic Spiritualist. People tend to grasp onto labels more so when tough subject matters come along, so I think this one is the most suitable. And I agree-- we get along really well, probably because we have such similar beliefs. You don't know how much of a comfort it is to hear that someone else thinks the way I do. See? We're both not as crazy as we (or at least I) may have thought. ^_~

Alex- I'm glad that I shared these thoughts with all of you. I knew that I would once I found out what my problem was, but I had to find the right time. Reading your comment, Alex, was an amazing help. I had just woken up and I first skimmed the comments and then read them more thoroughly... and hearing that your niece had such a horrible experience with Endometriosis was actually... comforting. (That sounds weird, I know.) I almost can't imagine what she had to go through. It sounds like she had a severe case of the disease, and I'm so sorry to hear that. I am, however, so happy that she was able to have children. Knowing that makes me feel better about when I decide to have children of my own. *smile* Thank you, sweets... so much.

[glitterbat]

Aww Lauren =( *cuddles*

I've been offline for a bit, exams and whatnot, but I came on here and sniffled over your last entries. I'm amazed at how postive you remain, despite the nasty stuff behind the scenes. That's a talent.

A friend of mine at work was recently diagnosed as having Endometriosis, and NOBODY believed her. She went to five different doctors and not one of them was willing to give her a yes/no answer. In the end she printed loads of stuff off the net and took it to a 6th doctor, and just went "Look, I know I have it. The symptoms are there. They have been for years. I'm fed up of being messed around." - they sent her off for tests, and lo and behold... one very upset girl. She's hell bent on having babies, and like a certain Crafty Linguist up there said, is determined to kick any difficulties in the arse.


If you ever just want to chat, I'm xglitterbatx on Yahoo, and glitterbat@hotmail.co.uk on MSN. I may not be of much help, but sometimes it's just good to vent, no?

*cuddles some more*

Look after yourself love. x

[Lauren]

Wow, I feel so bad for your friend! It's one thing for family members to kind of disregard the truth, but it's another to constantly be turned down by doctors. That's amazing that she kept going and finding new doctors... Poor thing. I think I'm like her where babies are concerned. I hope that your friend is doing better right now. I think it was really strong of her to go and do all that research ahead of time. I just assumed that what I had was normal. I never knew it was an actual real problem...

Thank you for offering to chat. ^^ I'll probably take you up on that offer sometime. *hugs* I appreciate your friendship and concern so much, Jess. Thank you!

[NOOS]

[this is good]

Hi Lauren, I'm sorry to hear about your illness. Glad to know that you have a very good support from voxer. :) I hope you could find a way out and keep on possitive thinking as the way you do.

Well,  A few months ago i was about to write the aritcle about my illness as well, but i thought it will be embarrassed for me to share it online, then i just hold it. A few days i came across and read your ariticles you made me feel everybody do have some problems as well. The things is how brave you share and how did you deal with it (I read your blog since the first time i have my own Vox, but never know that you was ill, Will i know you have that problem from the article about Tokidoki, On yourtrip to L.A. to see Simone Legno. But i thought i wasn't that bad).. So i started to write my ariticle today.... Hope at least made you know that you are not alone  :)  again Thank you!

[NOOS]

sorry i mean..... Well, i know you have that problem from the article about Tokidoki, On yourtrip to L.A. to see Simone Legno. But i thought i wasn't that bad) 

[Lauren]

I'm glad my entries helped you become more comfortable with writing about your illness... I didn't think I would affect anyone like that. I'm happy to be able to help you out. ^____^ You sound like a positive person, too, so I really think we're just one in the same with taking what we have to deal with. Like you said, everyone has problems. Sometimes others just don't express them vocally, and sometimes they just need someone to help draw those feelings out.

*hugs* I look forward to reading your article, sweets. <3

[toveb]

Eep! Endometriosis sounds horrible! I just went out on the internet and had a look around. You mentioned that you didn't have the operation (or didn't want to?), but I think it might be a good idea if you want to have children later in life. I keep thinking there must be some less intrusive examination they can do to diagnose you. Anyway, I truly wish you the best and that your symptoms will get better or relieved. I'm definitely no advocate for the pill, since having had really bad experiences both myself and seeing friends get ill from them. But if it is the only way to get relief for you, I hope you have no other issues from it. :-)

As to the religion, I'm a firm non-believer for various reasons. But I agree in respecting other people's beliefs. None of us can ever know for certain that we are right, ironically enough. ;-)

[Jen]

Hey hon, thanks for sharing this with all of us.  I remember reading about your problem way back from when you went to L.A., but I had no idea it affected you so badly.  *hugs*  I'm really glad that the doctors are able to help you in some way with the medication and birth control.  However, despite it all, it seems like you really know how to handle yourself in stressful or even painful situations, such as getting through your finals and the end of the semester.  You're such a strong person and I have no doubt that with the support of Shawn and all of your loyal friends at Vox, you will get through it.  ^__^  Also, I wanted to wish you luck with starting back to school this week.  I hope you have a great semester ahead of you!  <3

[Lauren]

It was nice being able to talk about everything that's gone on in my life for so many years. I think it's a relief to just get some issues that can more difficult to express in words finally out in public-- in a way.

Thankies for your encouraging words. <3 I really appreciate it, right along with all of the comments you leave me here. ^^; And thanks for the good luck for this next week! I actually just returned from the bookstore, and I now have most of my books. I was just looking at my schedule, and it looks like I won't have to walk very far to any of my classes, which is a nice surprise. I did like the exercise though-- I was forced to walk every day, and that was great for keeping my legs in shape. I'll have to do that in my own time now. ^///^

[Jen]

That's funny -- I actually have to walk quite a lot between all my classes this semester.  I really do enjoy walking, and although I drive to school from my house, I usually park at the farthest parking lot possible and walk the extra mile or so to classes.  It's been really hard doing that lately, though, with the 5 degree weather and cold winds.  >.<  But you're right -- it's great exercise, and is just as beneficial health-wise as running (assuming you do it longer to get the same benefits).  I just wish it would warm up so I can enjoy it more!

[little wonders]

[this is good] Lauren
I'm glad to see your upbeat today. I hope your new school schedule and classes are good. I'm sure you can convince Shawn that he needs to go for walks with you now ^-~  You made a comment how you thought your "female" problems would bore us of the male glands, I will just say from my point of view I read your posts because I care about you the person, and any and all your problems, I wish I could do more than just type a few short words for you, if you ever want to chat just email me ^-^ and stay upbeat
Jeff

[Pixie Wildflower]

I guess I need to go back and get your earlier posts.  I am sorry you have Endometriosis.  One of my friend's has that too.  I have PCOS and have suffered with my periods too.  Women have a rough time sometimes.

[Shauna]

You're so strong for sharing something so personal with us. I had no idea that "really bad" cycles are an actual illness. What you described sounds just like the symptoms I had when I in my high school and early college days. My cycles were so bad I would spend the entire day at the nurses office, I would be very weak and shaky, puking, diarrhea, and once I even fainted in class. It got to the point where I just so FEARFUL of having my period! My doctor diagnosed me as anemic after some blood tests and that was about it. My period would last for about 2 weeks and were very irregular...I just thought I had an extreme case of PMS so I would just wait it out, crying in bed from the excruciating pain. I never heard about Endometriosis until now....and when I think about it would explain why it took so long for me to get pregnant. But that's another story! After my pregnancy and a year or two of birth control, I no longer have cycles like that. I'm still very irregular and get bad cramps, but nothing debilitating as my earlier cycles. Thank you for sharing your story. I really explains and possibly gives an answer to something I've experience too. I'm positive you'll overcome this. You seem to hold such a positive outlook on life and with that attitude you can get through anything! I wish you the best of luck and remember that there is a supportive and caring community on Vox. :)  

[Shauna]

OMG...sorry for all the typos! I was in such a hurry trying to type as fast as I was thinking! 

[Tofu_killer]

I'm a little late, but reading through your entries, I'm really glad you have such a good and understanding boyfriend because those kinds are the rarest. :)

I sympathize with you on the whole period symptoms, I've had to miss out on many days of school and occasions just because that bloody thing.

However  I wish you well in dealing with Endometriosis. Don't give up the dream girl! :)

[Rochelle]

Yeah, I was looking for that poem, and it was really bugging my friend and me that we couldn't remember the words.  Anyway, about your illness...  I hope everything works about.  I'm sure it will.  Just have faith!  =]

[Liz]

well, i'm late as usual.  but i'll put my two cents in as well.  reading your previous post, Lauren, i thought we could be practically the same person.  i too was raised catholic and went to catholic school until college.  and just like you, i no longer consider myself catholic, although i'm not sure i've put a name to what i am now.  i didn't have quite as bitter an experience in high school as you sound like you did, but i did learn well the ridiculousness that runs rampant in organized religion. 

and the parish my parents still belong to fairly recently had a change of pastor too, and no one likes him either.  weird.

i also have a disease.  i'm diabetic.  so though i can't understand exactly what you're going through, i can sympathise with having something so huge to deal with, and i feel your pain.  most of the time, it's just a matter of doing what needs to be done and going on with life, but sometimes you just want to rail against everything, yanno?  (also, i'm looking at difficulties with pregnancy myself, so i totally feel you on the worry on that matter.)

so i totally feel ya, dear.  *hugs*

[steelie]

[this is good] You continue to be one of my favourite people on VOX.

[semblance]

[this is good] Hey Lauren,

I read this and your other post a while back but keep returning to it. I feel silly adding to the many many comments just to say "I feel for you and keep your chin up," so I guess I will add this: being someone who has a long history of illness, I can identify with your feelings. I admire your willingness to be open and honest about your experience (physical and emotional) especially considering menstrual problems is one of those topics that's considered a bit "taboo" (especially around the dinner table!). I have learned that turning to the ones you love and whom you know love and care for you is the most healing thing in the world. That and laughing. It really is true! So I'm glad that Vox can provide you with a bit of both. And sounds like Shawn has all your bases covered!

So keep that beautiful smile on your face and your (non god-oriented) faith alive. You're an amazing woman. And I second Steelie's comment! ;)

[Lauren]

Wow, thank you so much, Steelie and Semblance. That really made me blush. Usually people don't vocalize their favorites feelings, so I feel honored that you two have. =D

I found that opening up here at Vox was one of the easier things to do for me, Semblance. After being bummed about some friends and their lack of concern for what was going on in my life, I found it only natural to turn to people who I knew would accept what I had to say. To know that so many people took the time to sit down and read two very long entries about something so personal amazes me still. It's really nice to know that I'm not the only one out there who feels down every once in a while because of being sick (at times). Like you said, this whole topic has been taboo, yet hearing you voice your opinion and relate yourself to my situation helps a lot. I wish you wouldn't have to go through an illness; I love reading about your life and I hate knowing that other people have to endure pain most likely worse than mine. *hugs* Thank you for your sweet words, hon!

[Lauren]

Isn't it amazing how many people who were once Catholics for so long decide to change? I'm sure this happens with a lot of religions, but I think that it especially says something about Catholicism. I think that the Church needs to shape up. Unfortunately, I've found it to be stubborn in its ways, so I can't see change happening anytime soon.

Ever since reading The Baby-Sitters Club series (because one of the characters had the disease), I've been interested in learning about diabetes. I've heard that it can be painful and very stressful at times to have to change your lifestyle due to a sickness like that, and I really feel for you, sweets. Thank you for sharing your thoughts-- about what you have and about my own life. Never worry about commenting late. ^__^ I always check back, and every comment means the world to me, no matter when it's posted.

[Lauren]

I just thought I had an extreme case of PMS so I would just wait it out, crying in bed from the excruciating pain.

You sound exactly like me! I had no idea that something was "wrong" with me. In fact, I thought it was completely normal to have to go through so much pain. My family and friends don't know this, but I would go and just cry in the bathroom for a really long time. I guess that locking myself away helped make it seem like it wasn't real or something. I sometimes think that others may think I'm melodramatic, but jeez, the pain was horrible. I'm glad I could help introduce Endometriosis to you-- even if it isn't the most positive subject. It really explains a lot of things that have happened over the years.

[Lauren]

I've realize that finding guys like Shawn really is a rare occurance. I feel so lucky to have him with me.

Grr. I hate that I've had to miss so much school over the years because of this monthly... thing. It's so unfair.

[Liz]

if you ever have any questions or want to know about it, hit me up.  i actually rather enjoy talking about it, when people are interested.  :)

and i definitely think that it says something about catholicism, the number of people who flee.  i kinda envy people of great faith, however, as long as it's real faith and not lip service.  i find faith of that strength to be fascinating.  like, the late pope?  he may have had some ass backwards ideas, but, he struck me as a man of great faith.

[Mikey]

[this is good] It's a pleasure to be of some assistance to someone who's as nice as you are Lauren. You really care, and it shows! :)

I guess you know that the medical profession has always minimized "womans" problems, and that still exists, unfortunately. :( I'm glad you decided to talk about it... that always seems like the first step to coming to terms with things? And you never know who might have some information or insight that helps a great deal. Just knowing that people care and are sending their prayers in your behalf can bring some peace, I believe...

[Mikey]

[this is good] It's a pleasure to be of some assistance to someone who's as nice as you are Lauren. You really care, and it shows! :)

I guess you know that the medical profession has always minimized "womans" problems, and that still exists, unfortunately. :( I'm glad you decided to talk about it... that always seems like the first step to coming to terms with things? And you never know who might have some information or insight that helps a great deal. Just knowing that people care and are sending their prayers in your behalf can bring some peace, I believe...

[Mikey]

[this is good] It's a pleasure to be of some assistance to someone who's as nice as you are Lauren. You really care, and it shows! :)

I guess you know that the medical profession has always minimized "womans" problems, and that still exists, unfortunately. :( I'm glad you decided to talk about it... that always seems like the first step to coming to terms with things? And you never know who might have some information or insight that helps a great deal. Just knowing that people care and are sending their prayers in your behalf can bring some peace, I believe...

[Lauren]

It's true. Hearing that I've affected people or that they've kept in in their thoughts has made a tremendous difference in my life. I think a lot of people, with their kind words, have really made me feel special, and that in turn has really made life even more positive than in my past.

[loou]

aww lauren you are such a sweetie <3 i have been thinking about you for the past days, i'm so sorry you have endometriosis. i really hope you'll be able to have children one day <33




i also have a disease, i know how it is to be in pain, and to be worried about the future, luckily i feel so much better now than i did six/seven years ago. i really hope you'll feel better too. i wish you the best lauren. 
you are in my thoughts!
xxx<3

[Sherbet]

First of all, it's a total pet peeve of mine that people don't take women seriously when it comes to their reproductive organs. You know it was just recently that SCIENTISTS determined that PMS is REAL? In our parents' sex ed classes girls were taught that any PMS type symptoms they experienced were in their heads. GAH! Also, I think what your mom said was horribly inappropriate, but that's not my place. Maybe she is just not worried because she knows how strong you are.

That said, you seem like just the type of person who wouldn't let a disease like this get to her. I hope Seasonale helps you tremendously, give it time. I tried three different kinds of birth control pills and they all screwed with my head so pills didn't work out for me. But I hope they work for you! I was blessed with really easy periods and never had cramps ever until I got an IUD so I can't really relate. Anyway, you're a fighter! You'll show this disease! RAWR.

[Kiss Me Cate]

[this is good] That has to be terribly frustrating that your family is not taking your condition seriously. I have several friends who suffer from endometreosis and although it is something that can be helped with surgery/medications it still takes a toll on you mentally and physically. I'm glad you have a wonderful boyfriend who is understanding and supportive of you, and I hope you are able to take the medical steps to improve your condition. Even though the thought of not having your own children has got to be scary and painful, even if this were the case, their is always the possibility of adoption, which I've always thought would be a very special thing to do.

[lizzy]

my daughter has Endometriosis also and she just had a daughter in november(i made a blog about her), just so you know. i have seen my daughter struggle with being so sick every month until they put her on the pill (and even then she would get sick just not as bad as before) and it's a horrible thing. but she did have a daughter so all hope is not lost for you either. i just thought you would like to know that.

[Lauren]

Thank you so much. I still can't believe how these past two entries affected people. I've been having a lot more positive thoughts lately, thanks to everyone here at Vox, including you, sweets. *huggies* <3

[Lauren]

=D Yeah, I think I can handle everything that is going on right now. I'm just keeping everything in my life positive and easy-going.

And it really is a huge pet peeve of mine as well: people not taking women seriously enough. I think the reasoning behind that is pure ignorance. *sigh*

[Lauren]

I agree. I don't think I would ever be afraid to adopt. I really do, however, want to experience being pregnant. By hearing some of the amazing experiences some women have gone through with their own womanly problems here at Vox, I've actually formed a lot more hope. I'm not as worried anymore. I'll always keep adoption in mind though-- it really is special. <3

[Lauren]

Thank you. ^_^ That does help a lot. It's wonderful to know that your daughter was able to have a baby of her own. I'm sure she was thankful for that to happen. The birth control has really helped the monthly pain. The side effects really aren't fun, and they've caused worse pain than my period, but I think that the little hump I had to get over was worth it.